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April 27 Paranoia strikesI need to get the word out...my personal life is somehow the knowledge of my supervisor...how he knows, I`m not sure, but I suspect spies...
I`ll go into hiding...
http://gorillamask.net/mariolive.shtml super mario will save me April 26 I am the worst teacher in the history of OkayamaI`m happy because if I want to strive to hit the bottom, I have. This is good because being a bad teacher doesn`t mean I`ll get fired.
But because I need to write this down somewhere, I`ll say why I`m so bad...
1. I do not discipline my kids.
2. I do n ot discipline my kids.
3. I do not play games that are my own idea.
4. I do not follow the manual, or I do not understand the manual.
4a. The manuals are written in Engrish. They are written by a japanese man who has some good knowledge of English because he has many American friends.
5. I do not take my "career" as a teacher seriously enough.
5a. It should be my goal to be an English teacher in Japan because there is no money to be made in biopharmaceuticals or any applied trade.
6. I do not have 10 years of experience as a teacher.
6a. I accept that.
7. I am not my supervisor`s friend. "Why don`t you come out to our get togethers? That could help your performance.."
7a. IE I should be under his wing. If I oppose and decide to be an employee and not a friend, my performance will go down.
8. His standards of performance are both objective and subjective, but it is up to him to decide what he considers objective.
9. I didn`t put up a sign saying there are two teachers in the classroom.
9a. Okay, that`s the "Law of Peppy"
10. I filled out an injury report for carpert burn.
10a. I`m supposed to do that afterwards.
11. I do not discipline my kids.
12. I do not discipline my kids.
13. I`m too emotional. This is business, not education. So make it look like the kids are learning.
Oh well, I had some crazy parties with chruch people on Sunday. And on Tuesday, Yujin took me out to dinner. I can`t believe she did that for my birthday. It`s very un-Korean, maybe? I thought guys are supposed to pay for everything according to Koreans. Oh well, I guess this means certainly that I don`t have to fear her. Besides, the food was awesome so I can`t do anything...
crap..
"You are making a deal with the devil" he said to me...he will give me a second chance, but I will have to obey him and turn my faith away from God.
BTW Thank you Candy! You`re Brilliant
Thanks for helping me realize what I have been afraid of here as a teacher...the fact that I feel that my motivation to be a better teacher has nothing to do with trying to improve myself, but to feel that if I don`t become a good teacher, I will lose money. There is no instrinsic motivation in taking away my money. It is a fearful tactic for motivation. I will let my supervisor know.
Pure genius, girl.
As for trying to motivate myself despite all this fear, I have tried because I want the kids to be happy. However, I do feel that seeing them for one hour a month isn`t going to be enough to untie all the negativity associated with English for them, as well as making them comfortable. It`s hard...
I misinterpret everything in the manuals do to fear. April 23 It`s my birthday....Tomorrow...Japan time. It`s been good so far. Last night I went to a going away party for two people, so my birthday was overshadowed. That`s okay because I`m the new guy and no one trusts me yet. I feel frightened all over again and I don`t know why. Maybe because it`s my birthday, or my lack of sleep, or the fact that I`m getting a performance assessment this week and it`s frightening me beyond anything I can imagine. As we all know, my supervisor is going to be there and he frightens me and his standards are set in a way that it would be impossible for me to even try to get better. Oh well, in a few months, he can re-evaluate me and hopefully everything will go well.
Going by the book is illogical since it is all about friendship with him. I`m not his friend, therefore, no matter what I try to do, I will fail.
BTW, my assessment is on my birthday. So it really is a happy birthday. I`ve had nightmares already. I really need to stop letting him get to me...fear. Fear attracts the fearful.
April 18 I found a mountain!I had an awesome day yesterday. The weather is starting to get really warm really quickly so what I`ve been doing is trying to get outside as much as possible. Yesterday I took Cheryl for an exploration and we found a whole bunch of cool little spots where we could just sit and relax. I think I`m enjoying my time with Cheryl more and more. I`m glad to have her around. It makes my life a lot more interesting. Cheryl will go wherever I want to take her too. That`s the beauty of having a bicycle.
Here are some of the pictures...
April 16 pictures during easterI actually went out to celebrate easter with a bunch of people from a church in town today and I had a great time. We ended off the night with a viewing of War of the Worlds. I know, it makes no sense that during Easter we should watch a show about the destruction of our planet. But then again, God created the cold.
Not that I`m going religious on anyone, but as I think about the kind of people I want to meet in Japan, I start to wonder if I really want to get along with the un-intelligent binge drinking, profanity throwing types or the sheep herding goodness of some religious groups. The people I hang out with don`t seem to be too much in the mind set of these `hardcore` christians that everyone seems to despise. I like the fact that they simply enjoy my company and never push me or talk to me about Christianity unless I choose to ask a question about it. This is rather a nice way to view the world. As a Taurus, it may be hard for me to see beyond the Earth and its glory, or the glory of the human intellect. Whatever the case, I`m just happy I`ve found some decent human beings. I feel dirty around them though. They are clean like the fallen Sakura.
Now, here are some pictures...
Oh yeah, CANDY! Thanks for your birthday present! I`ll read it and think about all that I miss in Canada. You`re awesome! April 13 It`s been a while to complainbut once again, I feel the urge to tell you people on the internet about my boss yet again...
I have tried my hardest to give this guy the benefit of the doubt that he`s a regular human being, but he`s something beyond that. I can see why my coworker who rode a bike through the restuarant is a "good friend" of my boss`s. They are similar.
This time, my supervisor`s error affected two of us, not just me. And if you consider my other coworker`s life, it`s affected hers too, but for an entirely other reason (mainly, she lost 2 hours of precious shag time with her boyfriend...hahahha...funny and superficial, but apparently when it`s good, you don`t want to miss it...).
Anyway, I noticed a descrepency (spelling?) in my schedule where all the evidence pointed to not having a class. By all evidence, I mean:
1. there is no mention of this class in the Japanese side
2. The Japanese teacher did not write any special notes on this fictious class (she would write a note about the class if there is one, regardless of redundancy because that`s just how thorough they are)
3. The attendance sheets do not mention the class
4. I cannot find information about the possible students anywhere. This includes the student roster, one of the most important pieces of information because, if anything should happen to students while they are in my care, I have to be able to notify the student`s parents.
4a. This means that if these students had existed, and something were to happen to them, I wouldn`t even know where to go to get the right people informed.
5. Our other supervisor said this class did no exist.
HOWEVER, with all the evidence stacked against a small hand-written note regarding this fictional class written in my supervisor`s handwriting, he told me I had to go there. Not only that, but even if he could do anything, he really couldn`t because he was off work, while I was still on. Actually, I`ll list off his reasons too for simplicity:
1. It`s 8:30pm. He`s off work.
1a. If we are off work and don`t reply, are bonuses are affected.
2. Calling Head Office for this problem is my responsibility and I should stand for the reprocussions (fack, I can`t remember how to spell)
3. Jumping over his head is bad. He is my "friend".
3a. The fact that he can`t provide me with the answers does not count for the fact that I shouldn`t still go to him with all problems that he cannot solve.
3b. He has never been able to solve any problem of mine but I still should go to him first.
3c. He is my friend, shouldn`t I trust him?
4. He needs to inform Head Office of my problem of not letting him handle an issue.
5. Regardless of what the evidence says, I should do as I`m told.
5a. He is god.
5b. He has a small dick.
5c. He is fat and has a small dick therefore, he assumes the title of god.
6. He is going to tell on me if I do it again.
6a. Well, he didn`t put it that way, but pretty much, he`ll get administration involved because I`m being "mean" and I hurt his feelings.
And the result of this? Well, I had the Japanese teacher talk to him. Her reply to me was that she had told him the morning of the day of this fictional class that there is a mistake and he needs to inform us. He didn`t inform us. He didn`t even answer our calls when we found out the truth. He hasn`t emailed me to yell at me in the last 2 days since this has happened. The Japanese teacher mentioned to me that he is responsible for telling you. This class did not even exist last year, before this new school year. This class of students has never existed.
I would want to say that my boss is doing this to me out of spite, but I will give him too much credit if I do. Spite, at least, would require planning and a keen mind. My supervisor has none of these qualities. He is simply unable to accept faults, unable to understand that logic is better than his blind following.
I have his emails saved. I have the japanese teacher`s email saved. My coworker said I should be prepared for some lash back because of his insecurities. I`m lucky I have evidence and all he has is feelings. Feelings and his blind devotion to his own incompetence.
I`m sorry, but I`ve been pretty happy the last few weeks because he hasn`t done anything to affect me. He hands out punishment because he believes that is the only way for others to obey. He punishes them by reminding them that it is better to follow than to have a mind of our own. Grammatical errors aside, my situation is paralleling well with Atlas Shrugged. I still need to get through that book.
Oh well, what else can I really say? I hope to fight. I hope to fight for all of this because I cannot let the knowledge that I am in the right be brought down by a big, fat, "sumo-sized" black guy from Baltimore. (Who apparently has to swat all these women who are always falling over backwards for his fatness. This is somewhat of a rumour. His children, I realize now, may also be a rumor. If he was such a proud father, I`d have liked to see pictures of his children. Except he would rather show a picture of a girl he met at a hostess bar - which means he paid her to talk with him - than to show pictures of his children. I can`t be difficult in this small town to spot two black babies running around. This is japan, after all!)
Meh. At least I can ride a bike.
April 10 If I go on like tihsMy liver will die on me. All this alcohol that Japanese drink and share with me is bad news. I have to think that something like milk and orange juice is more expensive here than booze so I gotta change my mind . In canada, if I was offered a drink, I`d be glad to because I`m a cheap bastard, but drinks are cheap here and I can afford my own. However, milk isn`t so if someone were to offer me milk or apple juice, I should be grateful then. I vow to drink less now. All these crazy parties only end up in worse shape due to drinking.
So I went to Tsuyama which is in northern Okayama prefecture to some hanami`s which are sakura viewing parties, obviously involving drinking. Well, one of my fellow Canadian coworkers there I realize is a complete idiot and would be completely useless in the West. He has nothing to offer except incompetence and childish behaviour. Well, I can`t tell if he is incompetent, but I think he is childish and he`s the kind of foreigner that make Japanese fear us more and more. He pretty much calls any old Japanese man "motherfucker!" thinking that is somehow cool to us. "Look at that motherfucker! What is he doing taking pictures here?" I hope he realized that it was a park with about 3000 cherry trees and that Japanese people want to take pictures of happy people around beauty. But what does he do? He simply says to the old man, "Hey motherfucker! Get the hell out of here. Gaijin only. Foreigners and English speakers! You want a picture? Take this!" and flips the guy the bird. Maybe I`m the one who is childish. while the other guys were raving at his brilliance in handling the old man, I thought he had absolutely no respect for the Japanese people. he loves their women, of course. Women in the West probably wouldn`t come near a guy like him, but he gets play here.
Well, as the night went on and we went to a restuarant to eat, he takes off and comes riding in the restaurant in a bicycle. Yeehaw, he shouts. "OMG, that was so funny!" said another white guy. Well, it`s about time I stop. I can`t say I am better than all of them. Maybe I`m being a prude and riding bicycles into people`s restaurants and yelling and kindly old men is the cool thing to do. If the world is that way, maybe I should give in and refuse to make it a better place. Let it crumble...
let it all crumble...
I have some nice pictures, btw.
April 06 Pictures...yes, let`s put some up...hahaha, that`s all I have to say. Sakura mamkai...
and benny benassi
I also had a dream where I went down to the centre of the earth because the chipmunk had failed to rotate the wheel.
I went down there with 4 other people, my friends and we attempted to save the chipmunk, but it was useless, the 2 tonne beast could not be saved and we had to try to do something about it. We were about to jimmy up a rope/pulley/weight system (it required a pentagon and asterisk shape design to move the weights around). being from the centre of the earth, where vast amounts of "space" as in the space in space exists, there was little to no friction and our device, without the chipmunk was almost a perpetual motion machine. what was lacking was the actuality of non-friction. But being a dream in friction it was. So we tried to enlist the help of the mall attendants who lived in the middle of the earth to help. But alas, the mall attendents were all Japanese and they couldn`t break away from their manuals or their job to help out the fate of the entire planet.
So my friends and I drew straws for the order in which we would climb down to the pits of hell to oil the wheel, the wheel that was supposed to churn with the help of the giant 2 tonne chipmunk, the ancient chipmunk, trying to run as fast as he could, to avoid death. Well, death catches up to us all. Even the chipmunk.
Hey, it was a dream, none of it makes sense. No, I did not drink any sake. Though it is YUM. Guess which book I just read? April 02 Sofa King We Todd DidDisclaimer: I am in Japan, so whatever has changed in the last 4 months, I would not be aware of
You should head down around Main and King Edward, there are some nice restaurants around there. Thai place called Sawastee is good, it`s by the Grind Gallery and Cafe so it`s easy to find. The Reef is also there, Carribean food, I think. There is a small art shop along the same road, it`s in the corner somewhere, I forgot the name, but the two girls who run it are Asian and it`s their artwork that they sell. It`s not expensive and they have a lot of little gifts for the ladies... Antique shops are all over Main and 25th as well. I can`t remember what else is there around that part, but it is worth checking out. In Kitsilano, there should be a place across from the Capers called Presto Cuccino, an italian place. The original restuarant is in Abbotsford, but they opened up one there, or was planning to. I am not sure now. There is a small playhouse run by some dude on Hastings, close to Victory Square, or whatever that place is with the drug dealers, above a Mexican restaurant, which is next to Sophie`s books. You can watch plays there by acting school students. By donation. They have put on some really cool One Act plays there. A small Japanese girl designs all the sets. She is tiny but she does all the construction of the sets as well. By small, I mean, you could maybe fit 10 to 15 people max . Usually a bunch of weird Japanese English students are there... Um, Japan is fun. No one can speak English. Not even the English speakers because they are from Australia. I want you all to see this because this is what 4 months in a foreign country will do to your English. Please look at the bold sentences. Now, would you say I was referring to the small Japanese girl or the small playhouse? Hmmm? What was I thinking? This is Engrish, truly. I think I`m turning Japanese....
Escape!Business social etiquette? Does that really exist? I don`t know what it means, but I plan on not sticking do it. Whatever.
In the mean time, I can talk about bikes, my haircut that makes me look like a bird, or randomness. Actually, there`s not much to say about my life now. It`s getting to be routine so I more or less sit around, read or go shopping. there is absolutely nothing to do in Japan except spend money. wait until I buy a bike, then I`ll buy a helmet and shoes and gloves and a pass to ride...
and spend more money. Oh well, what else am I here to do?
I ran into jaded japanese guy and crazy japanese chick. It seems that they are a couple now. I am glad, because her desperate attitude made me call her crazy and jaded japanese guy can almost smile now so that`s progress. But I had to escape their little lovey dovey romancing. Partly because it was really awkward considering crazy japanese chick was on me like hot rice on carpet and I just threw her into his arms. At first I thought he was gay, now I know he was just lacking sex.
This is social business etiquette to talk about your coworkers behind their backs to your friends. I don`t think I like doing this, but I have no friends, so the internet and all its magnificient splendor shall be my toilet where I shit my complaints and sorrows to.
So open up, internet, I just ate the mexican food of life...
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